The photos in my phone best tell how the year 2023 has unfolded for me and my family. So much has happened! The milestone of finally building our own home after eight years of marriage and two kids, first international family travels to Taiwan and Japan, bringing the whole family along to my out-of-town work engagements, shows coming back with a vengeance, recording and releasing two new original songs, family trips, playdates and birthdays in between - I can’t believe how full this year has been, and it’s not over yet! But always, in all ways, it is the Lord’s goodness that has allowed, provided for, and ordained these things to happen.. 

But of all that has transpired, one event stands out from the rest. On April 21, 2023, after years of attending Christian Sunday services and weekly discipleship meetings / bible study, I joined Victory Weekend, and on the following day, I got water baptized, declaring for all to see that I believe in the Lord Jesus, in His finished work, in His Lordship. I was crying silent tears as Pastor Brian Sebastian and his wife, my discipler, Phoebe, were praying over me, and my heart was shouting and bursting with joy because finally, FINALLY, after years of being planted, and germination, the harvest has come for me, and I got to show my love for Jesus this way, proclaiming His Lordship over my life for all to see, declaring Him as my Lord and Savior and claiming all of His love and promises. 

IT WAS HIM IN MY HEART AND IT WAS ONLY HIM, AND I NEVER WANTED IT TO END, THAT FEELING OF JESUS CONSUMING MY ALL. Everyday I’ve been asking for His Lordship over me, for Him to reside in me. It was a burning desire that had been building up for the longest time, spilling over and over that fateful day, bursting into flames with embers that didn’t grow cold. I couldn’t stop crying.

“Let everything

That has breath

Praise the Lord

Praise the Lord”

But as filled with joy as I was, I kept it to myself. I didn’t post about it, I didn’t share it with other family members even though they were also already baptized Christians, and I was especially hesitant to share it with my Catholic side of the fam. If our discipleship group leader hadn’t posted photos of our other Dgroup members getting water baptized too, I would not have volunteered the information myself, however life-changing it was. What was up with that?

I suppose I didn’t want to draw attention to myself. Being a somewhat public person, there are many things I want to cherish and keep private just for myself. I don’t know, it was just a preference I’ve developed over the years. I keep to myself, I’ve maintained a very small social circle, and I realize that I very rarely open up even to my closest. It is only when I am either overcome by hormones or extremely exhausted that my dam spills and I let my emotions - both sorrow and joy, mostly sorrow - flow out.

I am also afraid of being judged. You see, I come from a traditional Catholic family. From childhood, we would hear mass every Sunday, pray the rosary everyday, participate in the Easter salubongs and complete Simbang Gabi. I was a choir member from when I was six years old, a Salmista once I reached high school. My own mother was a Cathechist. Our lives were rooted in the Catholic faith; we have many friends from church and priests my mother in particular was close to. My brothers remain Catholic, my very best friend is a stalwart defender of the faith. I fear how they would react once they find out. I fear they would think I betrayed them, betrayed the Catholic Church.

“I’ll praise in the valley

Praise on the mountain

I’ll praise when I’m sure

Praise when I’m doubting”

But I fell in love with the Jesus I met outside of the rituals and traditions I grew up with. Stripped down to just His Word, encountering Him in new ways as I read the Bible, discovering Him and how He moves in the lives of the couples that we walk with spiritually, worshipping Him at Sunday services, I began to truly understand His work of salvation and sanctification, His enduring and patient Love, His just and everlasting nature. I began to see who I am in the light of His love.. someone who doesn’t deserve anything and yet has received everything because of His grace and mercy.. a daughter of a King, an heir to His throne. A victor for all eternity, not by anything I have done or could ever do, but all through faith in Him, all by His amazing love and grace. 

Known and loved for all that I am, even before I came to be, even as I continue to know, love, and seek Him in a way I never have before.

“I won’t be quiet

My God is alive

How could I keep it inside?

Praise the Lord my soul”

My heart is at peace and I have a deep calm anchoring me. No matter what happens, I know everything will be alright because God is God and He will always be in control. Jesus has already won over death, His Kingdom will have no end, and I take my place beside my brothers and sisters in anticipation of His Second Coming, of the great reunion that will transpire in heaven, of endless days spent in His glorious presence.. 

It is my standing prayer that everyone, especially my family and friends, would come to know Jesus in a personal way. That they would have the deep-rooted joy and peace that only truly believing in and walking with Our Savior can give.. 

“I’ll praise when I feel it

I’ll praise when I don’t

I’ll praise cause I know

You’re still in control”

I suppose you are wondering if Joey ever pressured me to attend Sunday services, or bible study groups, or get water baptized. The answer is no :) I did those willingly and of my own accord. I guess some would say that this is an expected development, given that I married him, a Christian and a pastor’s son. I guess there is some truth to that, but I also know that I have always believed in what the Bible says, even when I was a Catholic. And when Paul says in Ephesians to “submit to my own husband as to the Lord”, then I must submit to my husband’s leading. Where he goes, I go.

I remember a dream I had before, in my early years of marriage to Joey. I was sitting with a little girl in a Catholic Church, and I pointed Jesus at the cross to her, and said,

“Dito ko unang nakilala si Jesus.”

I woke up and there was one name ringing in my ear, Isaiah. 

I believe that was the Lord revealing to me that we would have a daughter and we would name her after the prophet Isaiah. It surely came to pass, for we now have Lilibubs whose name is Issiah Dañelle, and we were unexpectedly blessed with another girl, SengSeng, whose name is Osseah Lucille (named after the prophet Hosea).

I believe that was also the Lord’s way of telling me how my faith journey would go.

It took me a long time to get here, to where I stand now in my faith and in my relationship with Jesus. I am most grateful to all I have met who have planted seeds, and who have encouraged me in my walk by the lives that they lead. I thank Phoebe Sebastian who I did one2one with and who powerfully cast out spirits of doubt that I had (I was diagnosed with unexplained infertility, and yet amazingly, by the grace of God, I got pregnant naturally while we were doing one2one!). I thank our Dgroup leaders Carlo and Mitch Directo for steadfastly teaching and inspiring us to grow deeper in our walk with the Lord. I thank my ex’s Kuya Simon, who I recall was the first to enlighten me that I didn’t need to go through other people to get to the Lord; I can approach Him directly. I thank all the other believers whose testimonies I hear in Sunday church, the pastors who unselfishly share their God-given wisdom and time. I thank my small group mates and fellow dgroup members.. I thank my husband who by his steadfast love and joyous and forgiving nature, I get a glimpse daily of how my Heavenly Father will always love and be there for me, even with all of my shortcomings. May we all finish strong, and finish well.

“I’ll praise cause You’re sovereign

Praise cause You reign

Praise cause You rose

And defeated the grave

I’ll praise cause You’re faithful

Praise cause You’re true

Praise cause there’s nobody

Greater than You”

As I end this blog, I would like to borrow one of the memorable lines from a Netflix series that I recently watched, Replacing Chef Chico, edited for the purposes of this entry but expressing the same sentiment:

“My love for Him is greater than all of my fears.” 

Here I am, Lord. Posting for the entire world to see. I’m not afraid anymore.. thank You for being patient with me.

My life is Yours, for always. I give You back all glory, honor, and praise.

With all my love,

Sitti

Song excerpts featured in this entry come from Elevation Worship’s song, “Praise”

https://www.multitracks.com/songs/Elevation-Worship/CAN-YOU-IMAGINE-/Praise/