Our dearest Lucybubs is now eleven months old, just right for her height and a little underweight. She’s a very active baby; even when she breastfeeds she moves around a lot which prompts me to say na baka siya yung maging triathlete kasi kailangan galaw siya ng galaw. She has a very loud alto voice that she usually displays when she’s in her playpen, shouting at whomever she sees. She’s such an easy baby to take care of. She sings herself to sleep and is easily comforted. She has a wild case of FOMO hahaha; what her Manang wants or plays with, she wants also, pushing her energies to the fullest and fighting off her sleepiness so that she can still play or be part fo whatever the family is doing at the moment. She now has two front lower teeth and an upper one, has very little hair too like her Manang when the latter was a baby, initially didn’t nap for long during the day until we finally got her on a proper schedule, but sleeps really well at night as long as she’s latched on me.

I can’t believe she’ll be one soon. Time flew even faster for her, our secondborn, than it did for our first daughter, Lilibubs. Maybe because her Ate has such a big personality that I sometimes feel like most of our energies were directed at managing her Ate’s toddlerhood that I didn’t really get to enjoy Lucille’s smallness as much as I would have wanted.. still, though, my heart is filled with love and gratitude for the times we get to spend together that’s just us, and in those times I get to happily smother her with noisy kisses, I get to hold her, I get to love her.. and I’m so thankful that even if we have fertility and pregnancy issues, the Lord, our awesome and mighty Creator and Healer, gifted us with Lucille, formed her perfectly in my womb and delivered her safely into this world.

Her life, like her sister’s, is another testament to how nothing is impossible with God, and the circumstances with which she came into this world is proof yet again of God’s impeccable timing. Indeed, as I look back on her birth story, I cannot help but give thanks to Our Lord for His grace and deliverance.. her origin story, like her sister’s, undoubtedly point to the goodness, kindness, and mercy of our God.

I am not sure if you know but I underwent a nearly two-hour open surgery while 13 weeks pregnant with Lucille to remove a 10cm cyst from my left ovary. By God’s grace, mercy and healing, it was a dermoid cyst: BENIGN. The rest of her 36-weeks-and-four-days’ gestation in my womb was pretty normal and uneventful until it was time for her to come out - and that’s when some drama ensued.

Because I have APAS, I had to inject myself with heparin shots twice a day throughout my whole pregnancy with Lucille to ensure there was proper blood flow in my womb. Upon reaching 36 weeks, I had to stop these injections to prepare my body for C-section so that my blood would congeal naturally during the procedure (to minimise blood loss). Heparin also serves to relax the uterus so the whole time I am taking it, it also prevented contractions.

I gave birth to my first daughter Lilibubs via emergency C-section at 36w3d. I knew there was a chance I could give birth early to Lucille again because of APAS, and because my heparin shots were stopped.

The morning of September 23, 36w4d, I threw up my breakfast. I felt some stomach pains after and texted my OB if I could take Kremil-S. Dra asked me to see her at her clinic in St. Luke’s BGC as it might be labor. Joey and I tried to be calm as we made our way to the hospital. When Dra. Manalo checked me, I was okay, there were no contractions, no bleeding, no dilation, Lucille’s heart rate was steady, but as per her standard procedure for APAS patients, she asked me to do a Non-Stress Test to be sure that I wasn’t contracting. I think she may have had an inkling that I was about to give birth soon because she asked me and Joey to have our RT-PCR tests done too just in case I needed to be cleared for an emergency C-section.   

We decided to do our RT-PCR tests in St. Luke’s then have lunch first before heading out to Asian Hospital for the NST (my OB prefers doing CS procedures in Asian that’s why she asked us to have the NST done there; another indication that she thought I will be delivering soon). While enjoying our pasta lunch, Joey said he felt that we were going to see Lucille that very day. I tried not to think about delivering that much and instead, focused on enjoying that time with Joey, musing that for sure, it would be one of our last meals as a family of three.

We caught a bit of traffic en route to Asian Hospital. I tried to keep my mind blank and to not panic at the time we spent sitting in the car, trusting that all will be well and that all is happening according to God’s timetable.

Finally I was in the Women’s Health section of the hospital, my tummy strapped to the NST monitor. Alone and with the constant beep beeping the only sound breaking the hospital’s white noise, I remembered that almost three years back, my OB decided to open me up because Lilibubs’ heart rate decelerated to 100 bpm on a strong contraction that I barely felt.. I remembered wondering if the same thing would happen again this time.. I prayed that Lucybubs’ heart rate would not dip that low.

It is in circumstances like these that I really thank God for scientific advancements. The mere fact that APAS-afflicted women like me are properly diagnosed helps save probably millions of babies nowadays, and helps countless couples have the baby/babies of their dreams. I’m sure I’m not the only preggo too who does not feel contractions at all. If not for the NST, I would have had no way of knowing that I was already contracting, and ergo, no way of knowing how the baby inside my womb responds to those contractions..

The machine blared out a warning at 2:19pm. Lucille’s heart rate decelerated to 90bpm after a strong contraction of 100. 90!!! That was even lower than Lilibubs’ 100. Joey’s hunch was right; I will be delivering today. Flashback again to three years ago when Lilibubs was born, it was found that I had low amniotic fluid already and that there was multiple cord coil. I wondered what was going on inside my womb this time..

The next step was to get admitted and prepped for surgery. Because this was 2021, there were still Covid protocols to observe. We couldn’t wait for the results of the RT-PCR tests we’ve both undergone earlier in the day at St. Luke’s, it would be too risky for Lucybubs, so I did a repeat swab test which was gold in terms of cost and time efficiency: P10,000+, results in 4-6 hours. Yes, you read that right, P10 freaking thousand for an RT-PCR test on top of the ~P9000 we’ve already spent at St. Luke’s. Mahal na nga ma-emergency CS, mas lalo pa napamahal dahil sa Covid. We decided though that we would just wait for Joey’s RT-PCR results from St. Luke’s even if that meant that I would be in the OR alone. Sayang din kasi yung pera.

I was swabbed at 4pm. Results came out around 9:30pm. I was wheeled into the OR at 10pm and at 11:12pm, Lucybubs was pulled out from my warm, dark womb and into the bright, cold operating room of Asian Hospital. Thank You, Father God. Thank You for delivering her safely!

That was my second time to give birth via emergency C-section so I was supposed to know the drill. And yet, I found the steel operating table extremely cold, the lights above blinding.. I found it hard to curl my body inward so they could properly insert the spinal anesthesia at the right place, found myself wondering what would happen if the anaesthesiologist made a mistake and inserted it wrong. Maybe it was because I was alone that these thoughts permeated.. as they draped the blue curtain above my chest and I was asked to spread my hands wide, as my body from the chest down felt heavy then dead and they prodded my right leg and side to check that the anaesthesia had taken effect.. I began to panic. I kept looking at my oxygen marker to check if I was getting enough air, the anesthesiologist confirmed that yes, I was, not to worry, oxygen levels are good. And yet I still doubted and in the end, she asked me if I wanted to be given oxygen support. Gratefully, I said yes, and I longed to sleep although I asked that I be awake for the whole procedure until I saw Lucille.

In lieu of a husband, my anesthesiologist was the one who was by my side for the whole procedure. She kept me updated as to what was happening; she even took a video of Lucybubs’ birth for me. How thankful I am for her.

When Lilibubs was born, Dra. Manalo was singing “Never Enough” the whole time. This time though, she was quiet. When Lilibubs was born, after checking her vitals and weighing her in, she was immediately brought to me for Unang Akap, her pink, crying head brought down to my breast for a few precious minutes. When Lucybubs was born, I had to wait for what felt like a really long time until she was brought to me, and when they finally brought her over she was all bundled up and I had to ask, shouldn’t we have skin-to-skin contact? There was slight hesitation as they unwrapped and laid her on me.. and we didn’t get that long a time together before they were retrieving her. And all that time, I wondered what was wrong and when would anybody tell me, but I was cold and exhausted, and I wanted the anaesthesia to have a stronger effect and put me to sleep, just as how it happened with Lilibubs.

I didn’t get knocked out. I was still awake as they stitched me back up, still awake as I waited for the anaesthesia’s numbing power to wear off. I made small chitchat with the nurses, still felt so cold. When I sat up, I threw up - the most awful feeling, ugh. I was given meds, and they told me that Lucille will be roomed in with me in the recovery room. Yay! With Lilibubs, because she was considered premature, they kept her in the NICU for about 12 hours for observation before I saw her again. Lucille is also technically premature, but because of Covid protocol, she was to be roomed in with me ASAP. I was really looking forward <3.

I don’t remember what time I got to be with my Lucille. I do remember that it was really warm in the recovery room, and I had to call on the nurse a few times to request that the temperature be lowered.

From around 2pm the previous day, I still had not seen my husband. He was patiently waiting in the hallway, making me laugh with the funny selfies he would take. At around 3am, 4 hours after I delivered Lucybubs, we got his negative swab results from St. Luke’s and he was finally allowed to be with us. He finally got to stretch out beside me in the hospital bed and get some sleep - well, as much sleep as having a newborn afforded.

That afternoon (or evening? Not quite sure) in our regular room, Dra. Manalo came to check on me. It was then that she relayed that when she opened me up, it was found that Lucybubs had pooped in my womb already but that thankfully, she did not ingest any of it.. and that when she checked my ovaries, she found two more benign cysts which she took out. So that was why she was quiet all throughout the procedure..

Dr. Colasito, the paediatrician at the time I delivered, visited us too. She echoed what Dra. Manalo had said about Lucybubs’ pooping in my womb, and stressed how timely everything was, how fatal it could have been for Lucille had she eaten the poop. Salamat sa Diyos talaga sa pagligtas Niya kay Lucille. She also shared that Lucille was born with hypothermia - that explained why it took them a longer time than usual to present her to me after delivery. It also explained why she was all bundled up and we weren’t allowed to have lengthy skin-to-skin time after birth. The very warm temperature in my recovery room then made sense too.

But from all of these trials and life-threatening circumstances, the Lord has delivered my children.. and I can never thank Him enough. Truly, the Lord has been kind and merciful to our family. Thank You, Jesus, for being our strength and hope in the midst of difficulties. Thank you for seeing my children through their births. You have always been faithful and mighty to save, and that gives me wholehearted assurance that You will always watch over and protect my daughters for the rest of their earthly lives. Thank You, oh God..

I share my story to give hope to others who are having a hard time conceiving or carrying a baby to full-term. There truly is hope, for just as the Lord gave Isaac to Sarah in her old, barren age, He can do the same to each and every “barren” woman, for nothing is impossible with Him.

He, who is the Creator of life, can breathe new life into you.

Have faith, pray always, and surrender your all unto Him and His perfect plan for your life.

I have to admit that I have my misgivings about getting pregnant again after what my babies have been through in their journey into this world. But again and again I remind myself that God is faithful, His plans for me are perfect, He will supply me with every spiritual need, and that He finishes all that He begins.

Thank you for reading! God bless you.

Bossa love,

Sitti